"Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!!" - Father Damian C. Fandal

This week has brought shocking revelations regarding the inner workings of academic institutions and the behavior of those who govern them. Professor Father Damian C. Fandal, an influential figure in the academic world, has issued a memo entitling "Rules for Academic Deans" and urging deans of universities and colleges nationwide to continue suppressing potential scandals and controversies amongst their faculties. The memo, circulating quickly through various academic forums, contained two simple rules: (1) HIDE!!!! and (2) If they find you, LIE!!!!

At first glance, it may be difficult to fathom how an esteemed professor and spiritual advisor could advocate for such shady tactics. The memo seems to reflect a cynical view of the academic world and the necessity for secrecy and deception in the course of upholding the integrity of educational institutions. However, not everything is as it seems in this controversial memo.

Father Fandal, who for years has been a proponent of academic ethics and transparency, is urging deans to adopt a taken-for-granted approach despite any external pressures. He admits that the academic community must be free from controversies but at the same time, warns that seeking the perfect world is difficult, and they need to be proactive in covering up discrepancies to maintain peace.

Acknowledging the deans' struggle to balance the complexities of academic life, Fandal suggested the covered-up approach using the ancient art of diplomacy - "Don't let enemies know that you know them". He stressed that giving any attention to potential scandals could lead to damage both professionally and personally. Universities must protect their names and reputations.

A stunning revelation has emerged that the majority of academic deans have been following these "Rules for Academic Deans" for years. By concealing scandals, they have managed to maintain a facade of academic excellence and harmony within their institutions. Dr. Thomson Rebecca, a historian and whistleblower, was the one that revealed the extent to which academic deans have followed these rules.

According to Dr. Rebecca, "This is a direct attack on the principles of transparency and accountability that are at the core of academic work. Too often, important truths are withheld by those we trust to respect the pursuit of truth and knowledge."

As the debate continues, some are questioning the nature of academic governance, putting pressure on deans to wield their authority with transparency, honesty, and open-mindedness. Universities and colleges around the country have issued statements and have vowed to implement measures to ensure a higher level of trust and transparency among their faculty and administrators.

It is clear that the future of academic and institutional integrity hangs in the balance. Observers are holding their breath to see how this revelation unfolds, hoping that the academic world can return to a state of mutual trust and respect.