"Mind if I smoke?" "Yes, I'd like to see that, does it come out of your ears or what?"

here's a news article exceeding 500 characters, inspired by the prompt:

The phrasing was unexpected, to say the least. A seemingly innocuous request, "Mind if I smoke?" had ignited a chain of events that culminated in a full-scale scientific investigation and considerable public fascination. The query, posed by local resident Arthur Penhaligon during a community council meeting last Tuesday, prompted an equally bewildering response from council member Beatrice Albright: "Yes, I'd like to see that, does it come out of your ears or what?" What followed was no theatrical performance, but the beginning of what many are now calling “The Penhaligon Phenomenon.”

Initially, the exchange was dismissed as eccentric banter, a quirk of small-town etiquette. However, Penhaligon, a retired clockmaker known for his meticulousness and quiet demeanor, was not joking. He calmly confirmed his request, adding, "Indeed, it does. Or at least, it seems to be behaving that way." Security footage from the meeting, now extensively circulated online, clearly shows a wisp of pale smoke, visually reminiscent of a fine fog, emanating from Penhaligon’s left ear immediately after his statement.

The incident immediately halted the council meeting. Witnesses described a palpable atmosphere of confusion and disbelief, punctuated by nervous coughs and the clicking of phones capturing the bizarre scene. Penhaligon, seemingly unaffected, remained seated, appearing almost… expectant.

Local authorities were contacted, but a standard investigation quickly proved fruitless. Penhaligon cooperated fully, submitting to a thorough medical examination. Results, released late yesterday, were inconclusive. Routine blood work, neurological scans, and x-rays revealed nothing outwardly abnormal. Physicians reported Penhaligon was in excellent health for a man of 78, with no history of respiratory issues or unusual ailments. They did, however, note a peculiar slight warmth emanating from his left ear.

The case quickly escalated beyond local law enforcement and landed on the doorstep of the prestigious Blackwood Institute for Anomalous Phenomena, a privately funded research organization dedicated to investigating unexplained events. Dr. Eleanor Vance, lead researcher at the Institute and a specialist in bio-energetics, has taken charge of the Penhaligon case.

"We've never encountered anything quite like this," Dr. Vance admitted in a press conference earlier today. "The smoke itself appears to be composed primarily of nitrogen and trace amounts of carbon dioxide, but its origin and the mechanism of its production are completely baffling. It doesn't adhere to known biological processes. It simply... appears."

The Institute has established a secure environment for Penhaligon, where he is being monitored 24/7. Numerous tests are being conducted, including advanced bio-resonance imaging and spectral analysis of the emitted smoke. Preliminary findings suggest the smoke’s elemental composition shifts subtly over time, defying current scientific models.

Theories abound, ranging from the plausible (a rare, hitherto unknown neurological condition) to the fantastical (an otherworldly connection). Social media is rife with speculation, with hashtags like #PenhaligonSmoke and #Earsmoke trending globally. Some have suggested Penhaligon is unwittingly channeling some form of energy, while others believe he’s the victim of a sophisticated hoax, though this has been largely dismissed given the Institute’s extensive testing protocols.

Council member Albright, initially facing accusations of rudeness for her blunt questioning, has become a reluctant figure of interest. She maintains her response was simply an instinctive reaction to the absurd situation. "It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen," she stated. "I just wanted to know how it was happening. I'm a pragmatist, you see."

The local community is divided. Some regard Penhaligon as a local legend, while others express concern about his well-being and the potential ramifications of his unusual ability. The Blackwood Institute, meanwhile, remains cautiously optimistic.

“We are proceeding with the utmost scientific rigor,” Dr. Vance stressed. “It’s crucial to understand this phenomenon not only for Mr. Penhaligon’s sake but for expanding our understanding of the universe and the possibilities that lie beyond our current scientific knowledge. The implications, if we can unravel this mystery, could be truly profound.” Further updates are expected next week as the Institute continues its investigation. And one question remains unanswered: what will Mr. Penhaligon request next?