If in doubt, mumble.

In a bizarre turn of events, a new trend has taken over the workplaces, dinner parties, and social gatherings around the globe—if in doubt, mumble. What began as a satirical advice column in a local newspaper has morphed into a cultural phenomenon, with countless individuals embracing the tactic as a means to navigate life's ambiguous situations.

Psychologists are scratching their heads as people worldwide adopt the "mumbling strategy," which involves responding to tough questions or uncertain situations with a series of indistinct sounds rather than concrete answers. The movement gained momentum after a viral meme depicted a cartoon character shrugging and muttering unintelligibly, captioned: "When you have no idea what’s going on but you wanna sound smart."

Corporate executives have reported that board meetings now feature more mumbling than actual decision-making, while teachers complain that students are answering exam questions with what sounds like "hgwygwhw j celebrations." The tactic has even infiltrated politics, with senators dodging tough questions by launching into lengthy, incoherent monologues.

Linguists argue that the trend marks a new era in non-communication, where sounding busy or thoughtful is prioritized over clarity. Sociologists, on the other hand, speculate that the phenomenon reflects widespread anxiety about the pressures of modern life, where the expectation to have answers has become overwhelming.

Not everyone is amused, however. Journalist Sarah Thompson penned an op-ed titled "The Erosion of Language," lamenting the decline of articulate speech. "Now, when you ask someone what they think, you’re more likely to hear 'Mm-hm, glrg blergle,' than an actual opinion," she wrote.

Despite the backlash, the trend shows no signs of slowing. Some entrepreneurs have even capitalized on it by launching "Mumble Courses" that teach clients how to maintain a confident tone while uttering complete gibberish.

In a twist of fate, the uncertainty of the times may have inadvertently given birth to a universal language of ambiguity. Whether this is progress or societal surrender remains to be seen (or not seen—we can’t quite make out what’s happening either).