Hear about... the fellow who, upon being told by his shrewish wife that she would dance on his grave, promptly provided for a burial at sea?

Okay, I need to create a long news article based on the given sentence about a man whose wife said she'd dance on his grave, so he arranged a burial at sea. First, I should expand the story by adding details about the characters. Maybe give them names and a bit of background to make it more engaging.

The wife being described as "shrewish" suggests she's nagging or difficult. I can portray her as such, maybe adding some anecdotes about their marital issues. The husband's response is clever, so I can highlight his wit and planning.

I should set the scene—maybe a small coastal town to make the sea burial plausible. Including quotes from neighbors or friends would add authenticity. Perhaps the wife reacts publicly, which adds drama.

I need to structure the article: introduce the couple, the wife's threat, the husband's solution, the aftermath. Maybe touch on legal or funeral planning aspects to show he thought it through.

Adding some humor would fit the tone, like the wife's frustration or the community's reaction. Also, an expert opinion on quirky funeral plans could give depth.

Make sure the article flows smoothly, keeps the reader interested, and stays above 500 characters. Let me flesh out each part with vivid details and maintain a news-like tone without a title as requested.
In a curious tale that has captivated the coastal town of Mariner’s Cove, a local man, Harold Winslow, 68, devised an unconventional solution to a macabre marital spat after his wife, Edna Winslow, reportedly threatened to “dance on his grave” during one of their frequent disagreements. The couple, married for 42 years, had long been known among neighbors for their fiery exchanges, but Harold’s response—a meticulously planned burial at sea—has left the community both amused and astonished.

According to close friends, the argument began over Harold’s refusal to repair a leaky kitchen faucet, escalating into Edna’s now-infamous grave-dancing declaration. Rather than dismiss it as another heated remark, Harold, a retired naval engineer, took the threat literally. He quietly arranged with a funeral home to have his remains cremated and scattered at sea, ensuring his grave would remain forever beyond Edna’s reach. “He came into my office grinning like a Cheshire cat,” said funeral director Samuel Greene. “He handed me a check, said, ‘Make sure she can’t foxtrot on me,’ and walked out. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

When Edna discovered Harold’s plans—thanks to a misaddressed email from the funeral home—she reportedly confronted him in front of the local grocery store, shouting, “You think you’re clever? I’ll waltz on your urn instead!” The spectacle drew a crowd, with one witness describing it as “better than reality TV.” Harold, unfazed, allegedly replied, “Good luck finding it in the Pacific.”

The story has since gone viral online, with many praising Harold’s wit, while others sympathized with Edna. “She’s not actually a bad person,” insisted longtime neighbor Martha Lewis. “She just has… strong opinions. And a flair for the dramatic.” Meanwhile, Harold has become an unlikely folk hero, with locals dubbing him “the man who buried his troubles at sea.”

Legal experts note that Harold’s plan is ironclad, as maritime burial laws permit ash scattering without a physical gravesite. “It’s a cheeky but legally sound move,” said attorney Rebecca Moore. “Unless Mrs. Winslow charter’s a submarine, she’s out of luck.”

As for the Winslows, they remain at an impasse. Harold has taken up fishing—“for the views,” he says—while Edna has reportedly enrolled in tap-dancing classes. “If he thinks this is over,” she told a reporter, “he’s dead wrong. Metaphorically, anyway.”

The saga has sparked broader conversations about marital humor, posthumous pettiness, and the lengths people will go to for the last word. For now, the waters off Mariner’s Cove remain blissfully undisturbed—at least until Harold’s eventual final voyage.