"He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book." - Benjamin Franklin

Arguments over trivial matters are a part of our nature. They can be annoying, hurtful, and unproductive, but they're also a reflection of our desire to be understood and validated.

Here's a breakdown of why we argue about trivial things and how to navigate these disagreements more constructively:

Why We Argue About Trivial Things:

• Emotional Expression: Sometimes, arguments about unimportant things are actually about deeper emotions. A comment about the temperature might be a stand-in for feeling unheard or unappreciated.
• Need for Control: Arguing can be a way to exert control in a situation, even if it's about something small.
• Differences in Values: What's trivial to one person might be deeply important to another. This can lead to clashes when values or preferences differ.
• Habit: If you're in a relationship where arguing is frequent, it can become a pattern, even over minor issues.

How to Handle Trivial Disputes:

1. Recognize the Pattern: Become aware of when you're arguing about something truly insignificant.

2. Take a Step Back: Instead of reacting immediately, pause and take a few deep breaths. This gives you time to calm down and think before you speak.

3. Communicate Clearly: Express your feelings and needs without attacking the other person. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You're always messy," try "I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is cluttered."

4. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Even if you disagree, try to see things from the other person's point of view. Active listening can help.

5. Find Common Ground: Look for areas where you agree, even if it's just a small detail. This can help shift the focus from the disagreement.

6. Agree to Disagree: Sometimes, it's okay to simply agree that you have different opinions and move on.

7. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: Remember, a lot of things are not really worth getting worked up over. Is this argument worth ruining your day (or night)?

When to Seek Help:

If you find yourselves constantly arguing about trivial matters, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can help you identify the underlying causes of the conflict and develop healthier communication strategies.

Ultimately, the goal isn't to avoid arguments altogether, but to have them in a way that is respectful, constructive, and strengthens relationships.