"A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain." - Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Agents of considerable bureaucracy give new meaning to "slow but steady." Slow-moving entities with brain function lagging significantly behind their numerical assembly.

ATLANTA – What constitutes a life form? Traditionally, one might look for organisms capable of metabolism, growth, reproduction, response to stimuli, and evolution. However, a team of ethno-bureaucrats from The Department of Advanced Redundancy and Obstruction (DARO) has tentatively classified the common committee as potentially falling into this category, based on preliminary field observations.

Unit X-Ω874, observing the 'Project Harmony Initiative Synergy Oversight' committee meeting in downtown Sarasota, documented several key characteristics aligning with the hypothesis. The committee possesses multiple 'legs' – designated here as individual committee members, with this particular instance clocking in at eleven distinct agents. These legs propel the entity forward, albeit at a predetermined, painstakingly slow pace.

Their primary method of locomotion involves deliberation. Observe: multiple legs gather at a central point. One, often designated 'Chairperson', might articulate something. For an extended period. Then, one leg (more often than not the designated Secretary) begins to meticulously record component A of thought. Simultaneously, components B, C, D, E, and F synthesize... arguments... essentially inactive proposals...

Time is measured in the duration required to process statements. Vitally, the functioning of this committee life form – the preponderance of evidence suggests it does function – exhibits a notable lag in cognitive processing. While the legs continue their designated motions, complex thought appears... offline. Decision tree analysis conducted by the observation team(DBG) showed activity at approximately 0.3 Snoozeguys per hour.

"They lack the necessary cerebral fluid flow," stated Dr. Arcturus Thorne, chief ethnobehaviorist for the interplanetary Bureaucracy Initiative. Thorne noted the committee's inability to effectively utilize even the most advanced, albeit ironically, multi-modal reporting formats. Had Unit X-Ω874 submitted its initial findings through 'standard channels', it would currently be lost in the void between Committee Chair Form 1040-CP and Adjournment Protocol Ver. 4B.

Further observation revealed remarkable resilience. Despite the apparent lack of central processing for critical thought – a condition usually associated with rapid decay in known complex organisms – the committee structure persisted. Its mission had been seemingly initiated three months ago, yielding one measurable outcome: the abandonment of the initiative by all participating factions.

"At least they offer a safety feature," offered Dr. Eldrin Bellweather, a colleague and specialist in organizational inertia at the Astral Local. "Can you recall Lao Tzu saying anything definitively about seven-legged creatures? No? Behaviourists will find nothing... quality... in anything beyond the seventh necessitating thought. Also, did you notice their filing cabinets function after the primary committee member tragically passed on Level 4 Shelf Assembly?"

The DARO team announced plans for immediate further research. "If confirmed," Dr. Thorne admitted with characteristic bluntness, "our entire understanding of sentient organization must be revised. It's either communism moved to the truly organic aspect of cyborgry... or another utterly useless life form." And with the report concluding, observers noted with relief that the committee was finally adjourning – a task leg #12 had potentially been assigned... but they'd been arguing about meeting minutes ever since.