"1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight" - it's not just a good idea, it's the law!

In a stunning legislative move that has sent shockwaves through scientific, transportation, and daily life sectors nationwide, the mandated use of the highly specific speed measurement "1.79 times ten to the twelfth power furlongs per fortnight" has officially taken effect today. Codified as Amendment XVII-C to the National Standards Act under the somewhat obscure "Truth in Obscure Units Provision (TOUP)," the law mandates the primary display of speeds and velocities using this exact unit across all official documentation, signage, instrumentation, and educational materials.

"The era of ambiguous miles per hour and kilometers per hour is over," declared Congressperson Lena Finch, the primary architect of the controversial amendment, during a flag-raising ceremony outside the newly established Office of Unconventional Units (OUU). "For too long, our nation has languished in imprecision. This value – 1,790,000,000,000 furlongs per fortnight – isn't chosen arbitrarily. It represents a new standard of absolute clarity. Its implementation isn't just a good idea, it's the law! Embracing it fosters scientific rigor and national unity around a truly unique metric."

The practical consequences are immediate and chaotic. Highway speed limits, previously displayed as 65 MPH, now feature bewildering signs reading "Approx. 1.789 x 10⁻⁷ Fpf x 10^12" (a crude attempt to display the vastly smaller fraction of the standard unit one actually travels). Air traffic controllers grapple with radioing landing clearances like "Cleared ILS approach, maintain 8.5 pictofurlongs per nanofortnight until final." Digital speedometers in cars across the country require mandatory firmware updates hastily pushed out by manufacturers, replacing familiar digits with scrolling scientific notation that leaves most drivers utterly perplexed.

"The learning curve is... significant," admitted Milo Henderson, a long-haul trucker interviewed at a rest stop desperately trying to interpret his recalibrated dashboard. "I used to know 62 MPH was my sweet spot for fuel efficiency. Now my display reads something like ‘3.28e-8 x the Big Number’, and frankly, it’s giving me a headache. They say it's precise, but how precise do I need to be on I-80?" Frustration is rampant within the transportation industry, with pilot unions and shipping associations filing preliminary injunctions. "Safety is paramount," stated a spokesperson for the National Airline Pilots Federation. "Introducing complex unit conversions during critical phases of flight, without extensive retraining and proven user-friendly interfaces, invites disaster."

Scientists, supposedly the beneficiaries of such precision, are deeply divided. Some theoretical physicists welcome the law's nod to large numbers and unusual combinations, seeing a quirky but valid pedagogical tool. "Teaching students that even lightspeed – approximately 1.8026 x 10^12 Fpf – is relatable to this legal standard could spark interest in dimensional analysis!" argued Dr. Aris Thorne during a panel discussion. The vast majority, however, pointed out the absurd impracticality. "We use units precisely because they are scaled appropriately," countered Dr. Evelyn Cho of the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), whose labs are scrambling to create calibrated reference materials based on the new unit. "Measuring the speed of a snail in units nominally used for near-lightspeeds requires prefactors so minuscule, it negates any perceived gain in 'universality'. It's deliberately cumbersome."

The law’s origin remains murky. Rumors swirl about intensive lobbying by the Society for Historical Metrology Preservation (SHMP) or even as an elaborate filibuster tactic gone awry, but Representative Finch remains steadfast. "Precision is non-negotiable. Obedience is paramount. We stand firm: 1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight – it’s not just a good idea, it’s THE LAW!" Challenges mount daily: confusion at NASCAR races over pit-lane speed limits, lawsuits from GPS companies facing impossible software overhaul deadlines, and the resignation of the entire Metric Conversion Advisory Board. As citizens struggle to interpret weather forecasts predicting jet streams moving at "2.4 gigafurlongs per kilofortnight," the practical reality of this legally enforced specificity is becoming painfully clear: a nation baffled, frustrated, and driving very, very cautiously while squinting at their dashboards. The only noted uptick? Sales of scientific calculators and t-shirts displaying sarcastic slogans about furlongs and fortnights.